You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize