Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
