I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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