My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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