I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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