we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
