we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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