Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
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