i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am mentally ready for anal.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
