When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
