I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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