I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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