Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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