Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
