i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I need moral support for this bender
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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