the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
