did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
