When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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