it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
