so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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