If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
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It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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