Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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