I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
