my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
