I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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