U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
