I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
