you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
