i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
