Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
