based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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