Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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