on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
