It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
