i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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