do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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