Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
