i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
