you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
