I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
