Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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