I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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