I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
