she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
