i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
