Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
