So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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