Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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