i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
