I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
