You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
