He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
