He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
