I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
