How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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