Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
