You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
