She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
