you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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