Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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