The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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