I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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