now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
