If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
