is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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