Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
