She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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