I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
