Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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