I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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