I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
