Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
