we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
