I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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