Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
