Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
