did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
