and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
