I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
