This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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