im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
